An End To The Distance Read online

  “Peyton, you awake?”

  Peyton did her best not to move and hoped her sister would buy that she was asleep and leave her alone. After not getting a response a second time, Rhian crawled into her own bed and was soon off to sleep. Peyton waited to hear her sister’s pattern breathing and soft snoring to open her eyes. She intertwined her hands with each other and rested them on her stomach, her thumbs pressing against each other. With only four hours of sleep, Peyton knew she should go to bed but she had spent most of the night trying to tame her racing thoughts and now that Peyton was in the same time zone as Kat the anticipation of what the city of Helsinki would bring only caused more angst. Peyton told herself that there should be nothing to worry about and the likelihood of her running into Kat was very slim but the moment she stepped off the plane, all rational went out the window and she swore she saw Kat everywhere she looked. Peyton couldn’t decide whether she wanted to see Kat or if she didn’t. She felt like a part of her. She would go on about her life, constantly having a feeling of hollowness within her soul. It was the fact that Kat was living in another country that bothered her. In another country was another world to Peyton. If Peyton wasn’t underneath the same sun as her, she wasn’t a part of her world and that bothered her. Peyton just wanted to have Kat to keep. She was hers and would never want to let go of her once she saw her again. That’s why she was afraid to run into her. Peyton wouldn’t know if she could control herself of the myriad of emotions that she would endure all at once. Especially in front her family.

  * * *

  Kat dreamt of nothing but blackness and when the warmth exited her body and earthling sounds returned to her ears, she whimpered underneath her sheets. The patterned knock that Kat detected was coming from outside her door made her curse. She pulled the pillow off of her head and rolled over to see what time it was. She had gotten two and half hours of sleep and whoever was standing behind her door wouldn’t live to see the following day. Kat grabbed her pajama pants from the bottom of her bed and lazily slid them on. She stumbled downstairs to the door and the knock sounded again, this time harsher.

  “I’m fucking coming!”

  Kat’s voice was croakier than usual and she opened the door with a huff. When she saw her manager standing in a Christmas sweater and a tall turtleneck with a furrowed brow and a hand on his hip, she couldn’t help the eye roll.

  “Are you fucking kidding me!”

  Jorge shouted.

  “What’d I do now?”

  Kat slammed her door and headed in the kitchen and Jorge barely caught the door from slamming in his face. Kat rubbed her eyes as she stumbled to the kitchen and sleepily pulled out her favorite coffee mug as well as the Starbucks bag of coffee. She could feel Jorge’s gaze right behind her as she poured her coffee into the pot. She turned around only to have his phone shoved in her face. Kat swatted it out of his hand and turned to the refrigerator to find the crème. She was weary and exhausted and the last thing she needed this morning was an entire sermon from Jorge on how she did something yet again to the world’s displeasure. Jorge paced the kitchen floor, always the theatrical character. He was angry, he was livid and had to do everything in his power to remain civil. He kept muttering something that had to do with horses and other animals as he continued to pace and Kat continued to roll her eyes as his theatrics while she put the finishing touches to her coffee. She stirred her coffee mug and inhaled deeply as she prepared for battle. She turned around with a thin smile and clenched jaws only to face a picture of herself on Jorge’s screen.

  “Baby Horse turns bull.”

  Jorge read. Kat squinted to see the tiny caption on the phone and picture of her and Inga Johanssen below.

  “Get that out of my face.”

  “They are comparing you to a bull and it’s not because you’ve gotten faster. You are attacking people like a wild animal.”

  “You’re overreacting. And I think you should contain yourself before we go any further with this conversation.”

  Kat stated in an insouciant tone as she stirred her spoon of coffee.

  “Contain myself?”

  Jorge laughed.

  "Contain myself? I’m not the one going around savagely assaulting people while playing handball.”

  “I didn't assault her.”

  “So what would you call this,”

  Jorge held up his phone again.

  “demonstrating good sportsmanship?”

  Kat rolled her eyes and walked to her couch, grabbing her phone hoping to end the one sided conversation.

  “I did not assault her.”

  Kat repeated. She unlocked her phone and went on her twitter. She winced when she saw that she was the number one trend and had been for the last four hours. Hashtags of #babyhorseturnsbull were being used like tissues during flu season. Kat saw she had a notification where someone mentioned her. Johanssen had tweeted: I think someone interpreted the quote “if you can’t be them, beat them” the wrong way. @kittykat44

  Kat locked her phone and threw it on the couch. She had noticed that there had been a sudden change in her behavior. She had been a lot more enraged on the court and found herself getting caught up in any type of quarrel with her opponents. There was a lot of anger pent up inside of Kat and she had found the wrong way to release all of it. If Kat knew than most likely everyone else already knew as well.

  “You tackled Inga like she was a piece of meat.”

  “She fell.”

  Kat sneered.

  “After you tackled her.”

  Kat scoffed and took a drawn out sip of her morning breakfast. Jorge pulled his phone out of his pocket and shoved it back in Kat’s face. Kat tilted her head and scrunched up her face as she looked at the picture of her doing a front flip on top of Johanssen’s head.

  “That’s a bad angle.”

  “It is a bad angle from every angle, Kat!”

  “Okay, fine. So Johanssen’s gonna be blue and purple around the ribs for a while. I’ll have my apology letter ready by tomorrow. Fine?”

  “No, it's not. I want you to realize the enormous shit storm you are creating for yourself. I cannot go around apologizing for your juvenile actions-”

  “Then don’t,"

  Kat knitted her eyebrows together.

  "No one is putting a gun to your head.”

  Jorge clenched his jaw before releasing the tension and scoffing.

  “See, this---this---whatever attitude you are having where you’re acting like a rebellious teenage bitch, it’s got to stop. Like right now. Kat, where the hell is your mind at?”

  Kat settled her mug in between her legs and stirred its contents with her spoon. The silence filled the room long enough to create an awkward tension that Kat wished she could break by speaking what lay on her mind but Jorge was her manager, not her therapist. So the silence continued and it wasn’t until Jorge urged her again to confess what the problem was that broke the silence. Kat fiddled with her fingernails, going over in her head how to put what she was thinking in words that wouldn’t lead to another argument. She finally softly stated,

  “It’s just Peyton has---”

  “Oh dear god if I hear that bible thumping girl's name one more time...Kat, you are a grown woman it is time to focus on grown woman things. Like the game coming up, not your high school crush. GET OVER HER--”

  “You don't think I want to? You don't think that every morning I want to wake up and my first thought not be how she slept, what did she dream about, does she think of me. I can't. There is not a second that goes by where I don't think about her. Peyton was not some high school crush where I was infatuated by her aspirations in life and her good moral values. Peyton was not some summer fling who I could fuck and move on. Peyton is the love of my life I CAN'T get over her!”

  Tears brimmed at the corner of Kat’s eyes and her throat tightened. Her voice was rough and scratchy, something she desperately tried to control but was always a huge factor when she was on the verge of crying. S
he breathed deeply though her nose as two teardrops slid from her eyes. Her jaw muscles relaxed and her lips fell into a trembling pout.

  “I---I just can’t.”

  She whispered, her voice breaking.

  Jorge sucked his teeth as he tore his eyes from the broken down image of Kat. She was a royal pain in the ass but he hated seeing the girl hurt and in pain. He slowly walked over to her and pulled her into a tight hug. She rested her head on his chest and sniffed as more tears silently fell. Confessing a little piece of what had been eating her alive seemed to lift a huge weight off of Kat’s shoulders. She let out a dolorous sigh before gently pulling away and brushing her thumb against the wet stained teddy bear that was knitted into Jorge’s sweater.

  “I'm sorry. I know I am rough to work with. But I just need you to be on my side sometimes.”

  “And I am. I always will be. But your cry for help cannot be assault people.”

  Kat wiped the smudged mascara from both her eyes and giggled into Jorge's shirt.

  “I did not assault her.”

  TWENTY

  RHIAN Kennedy brushed the loose brown strands of hair that tickled Peyton’s nose out of her face and smiled as she watched her younger sister sleep with a content expression. She sat on the edge of the hotel bed as she waited patiently for her to wake. The sun had long since come up as it was approaching noon and Andrea was getting bored waiting for Peyton to wake up on her own so she sent Rhian to do it while she went out for food. Moments later Peyton began to stir and Rhian adjusted herself so she wouldn’t scare her.

  “Hey,”

  She softly spoke, placing her hand on Peyton’s arm. The crease in Peyton’s forehead smoothed when she fluttered her eyes open. She yawned and sat up in bed and glanced around the room, adjusting to her surroundings. Rhian handed her cup of tea that she gratefully sipped.

  “Where’s Pear?”

  Her voice croaked.

  “She went out to get lunch. You’ve been out for a while.”

  Peyton peeked over at the nightstand to see the time of 12:09.

  “I didn’t get a lot of sleep.”

  “So I’ve noticed. Can I ask you something?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “What’s been going on with you lately?”

  Peyton stared down into her hot tea and rubbed her thumbs against the rim of her mug as she thought of a reply. Rhian always had a way of getting Peyton to open up about things that she would normally keep to herself. Andrea had more of an aggressive approach that would result in Peyton shutting down, and pushing herself further away from any talk but Rhian knew how to work around Peyton’s stubbornness.

  “I just—have a lot of things going on right now.”

  “Like what?”

  “I don’t really feel up to talking about it now.”

  Rhian paused before tensely asking, “

  Is someone hurting you?”

  Peyton looked up into her sister’s eyes and saw the look of concern that pained her face.

  “No, no one is hurting me…not physically anyway.”

  “Peyton you---“

  “Oh good, you’re awake.”

  Andrea walked in the door with a bag that appeared to be from a coffee place with a name in Finnish. Rhian stood up from Peyton’s bed and gave her sister a knowing look.

  “Did I interrupt anything?”

  “No, you didn’t.”

  Andrea raised an eyebrow at Rhian’s face that said she totally interrupted something important. Andrea mouthed sorry to her sister before walking over to Peyton’s bedside.

  “I think you’ve had enough sleep for at least three days. Get up, we’re going shopping.”

  Andrea yanked on the covers and Peyton groaned as she felt the coldness hit her exposed legs.

  “I hate shopping.”

  “Well, I saw an athletic store as I was getting coffee and the store was practically made for you.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, now come on. Daylight is getting away from us.”

  Peyton threw the covers over to the side and rushed to shower. Andrea made sure the shower was running long enough before asking,

  “What did I walk into?”

  “I almost got her to tell me what was wrong. I was this close Andrea!”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, your timing has always been God awful.”

  Andrea smirked at her sister's irritated expression.

  “I asked her was anyone hurting her and she said not physically.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “I don’t know. I just hope she’s okay.”

  “If she were in real danger she would tell us. It’s probably some guy drama or something.”

  “You think little Peyt has a boyfriend and is hiding it from us?”

  “Yeah.”

  “She’s never had one before.”

  “Well that would explain why she's been acting different lately. I don’t think she’s ready to tell the family yet or something and they probably are just going through a rough patch now.”

  Andrea hoped that her statement was true for her sake and Peyton’s. She couldn’t handle it if there was something more to Peyton’s strange behavior.

  THE Kennedy family was staying at the Rohen hotel in Helsinki and took a short walk to the boardwalk to go shopping. It sat in the center of the city’s biggest attractions. The sun was faintly visible and the sky was a pale white overshadowed by a few ominous clouds. The structure of the buildings consisted mainly of something close to a chapel painted in lambent colors of red and yellow that stood out to the heavy green garland that wrapped around them. Stony ice crunched from underneath Peyton’s boots as she quietly followed behind her two sisters while they discussed frivolous gossip. The curvature of the roof gave a train station atmosphere and Peyton looked up to the skylight ceiling. She could see the snow lightly start to fall from outside and thought of something warm to heat her up. Peyton walked down the corridor of the mall in hopes of finding a coffee store. She came across a store and laughed at the name but when she looked inside, she found herself standing outside of the doors gawking at the clothing. She finally decided to step inside when someone brushed passed her too roughly without apologizing. This must’ve been the store that Andrea was talking about. It had a long board workshop in the back, sunglasses and beanies in the middle, and the rest consisted of clothing. Peyton smiled. She was in the right place.

  IT was disgustingly cold outside. There was a faint sound of bells ringing in the distance along with Finnish musicals being played that Kat wished she didn’t know the words to. She tugged at the grey scarf that wrapped around her neck and increased her stride until the discordant sound was out of earshot. She blew out a small puff of frosty air as she counted the number of lights that hung on each street. She had spent the better part of Christmas day wrapped in her sheets nursing her excessive hangover with sleeping and lots of Advil. She hadn’t planned to take shots with her teammates the night before on an empty stomach but she was having fun and the more shots she took, the less she was painfully aware that she was spending the Eve of Christmas at a cocktail lounge with drunken women slurring Finnish expletives rather than a warm cozy home with her family. She hadn’t seen the light of day in almost a week and felt the need to attach herself to the world again before she completely fell off of it. Her teeth chattered and her cheeks flushed as the wind blew past her ears and seeped in her neck that her scarf was miserably failing to block out. The coffee shop was warm, the bell rung above Kat’s head as she entered and the staff immediately greeted her with excited waves. The owners happened to be huge handball fans and gave Kat her first meal free the first time she visited. (They even ordered a cardboard cutout of her that stood at the front of the door for a while). Kat replied with a tired smile before she scanned the area for a place she could rest her head and warm her hands. She rested her head on the window and soft cerulean eyes followed the flakes of snow as the
y fell down on the windowpane. Kat began blinking heavily and thought she would soon fall asleep right in the coffee shop but her thoughts drifted away when her favorite barrister, Isak placed her flat white macchiato and croissant in front of her. She softly thanked him in her adopted language and watched the patterned swirl that the crème made until it fully disappeared. Kat rested her elbow on the table and gently blew into her mug. She brought her lips to the cup and sipped carefully before continuing to stare outside the window settling into a pensive mood. It was days like these when Kat didn’t feel like functioning as a human. She wanted be as careless as the snowflakes that fell from the sky and as free as the cumulous clouds that liberated them. She didn’t want to think about her upcoming game and if her performance would be up to par or if she would get into another fight. She didn’t want to agonize over her shattered love life that she was so desperately trying to piece back together or the fact that she was trying to do it from the other side of the world. It was all to unbearable to think about it and Kat just wished she could escape it all. It was the quiet hum in the cafe and the slow traffic outside of it that relaxed Kat’s thoughts. It was the way familiar smell of crushed beans and warm spirits in the air that made Kat forget.