An End To The Distance Read online

  “I’m here, sorry…That’s in Canada you know.”

  “I know. And it’s Christmas. You should spend it with your family.”

  Jasmine rushed. She rolled her eyes, mentally cursing at herself. She should’ve never called.

  “Jasmine, I didn’t say I didn’t want to come. I just said it was far...I would have to ask my mom.”

  Jasmine could feel Tegan’s grin through the phone and lips of her own tugged at the corners of her mouth.

  “So, do you need to speak with my mom?”

  Jasmine chuckled and traced the numbers of Tegan’s handwriting on her birthday card. A red hue flushed on her face and her body ignited with elation, torching the anxiety and ineptness.

  “No, I’ll type up the permission slip and have it in the mail by tomorrow.”

  “Okay.”

  Tegan laughed.

  There was a state of easiness in the air and Jasmine wanted to talk on the phone with Tegan until her throat was dry. The sound of Tegan’s voice had stricken the light at the end of Jasmine’s endlessly dark tunnel. Sheets of wall thickened over the years, layer upon layer were intact of Jasmine’s tunnel, obstructing any access from the outside. It took perseverance, initiative, and gall to break those walls and Tegan was the first one who kept attempting to break Jasmine’s after repeatedly being shut out. Jasmine had been alone for so long that’s all she knew, but with Tegan, she felt something…something. And Jasmine spent the last two semesters, ignoring all of the indications that she possibly may have been frantically in love.

  EIGHTEEN

  PEYTON raised her comforter over her head and groaned as she felt the warmth leave her body. She inhaled deeply as the comforter fell back on her face. Grudgingly, she peered the comforter back just under her eyes to look outside the window. The sky was lit and colorless, it was only just before dawn. Unable to go back to sleep, Peyton swung her feet over the side of her bed. Yawning, she raised her hands over her head, clenching them in firm fists as she stretched hard. Her green and red Christmas socks swept the floor as she walked across her room to look out the window. Peyton rested her hands on the seal and pressed her forehead up against the frigid glass. Black snow was slushed on the dark streets and few neighborhood lights remained on. A circle of fog was created on the window as Peyton yawned again. She stepped away and walked in the hall of her childhood home. Peyton had arrived in Basking Ridge almost a week ago and still claimed she was jet-lagged. The hallway was quiet and all doors were closed, a sign that let Peyton know she was the first one to wake. Wishing she could go back to sleep, Peyton reluctantly walked back in her room and grabbed more clothes to wear. Slipping black boots over her jeans and pulling a sweatshirt over her head, Peyton walked out of her childhood home and into the city of New Jersey. The streets were quiet and decorated with garland that hung on the electricity lines. Snow crushed from underneath Peyton’s feet as she walked down memory lane. She found her old favorite coffee shop as well as the previous lost warmth as she entered. She expected the shop to be empty or near giving the time of year but it was just the opposite. The cafe was packed, leaving only a couple of booths and tables available in the very back of the shop. Peyton happily took the second to last booth that was cornered in a secluded area and sat down. She observed the people that crossed her sight and detected their lively Christmas spirit. Red and green cashmere sweaters framed the husbands; tree earrings dangled from the wives’ ears and children were fixated on their latest gift. Peyton smiled at the scene for a moment before returning her attention back to her tea. Peyton wasn’t as in the holiday spirits as she could’ve been. She was the one that would hand make cards for her siblings, decorate the house when everyone was out shopping and even buy eggnog and bake cookies only to eat them herself just to give her home that Christmas feeling. But today, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t strike up enough passion within. Her spirits were all lost. So Peyton just leaned back in the booth as she sipped her tea quietly while she sent up an apology to Jesus for not celebrating His birthday properly.

  PEYTON stayed at the coffee shop for a few more hours, gathering her thoughts and attempting to tame them. She had gone through her third cup of tea in the process. Her heart fluttered. Something was missing and Peyton didn’t know what. She just felt the emptiness around the center of her chest. It was the cognizance of her brain that reminded her what the initial pain was there for. She sighed deeply and drank the remaining cold tea that sat in the bottom of her cup. It’s not that Kat never apologized to her because she did. And all Peyton had to do was accept it and move forward with her but that would mean finally being happy. Now, Peyton wanted pain; it was all she knew as of late. A part her felt good sitting alone in the back of a dimmed cafe, in a pensive mood. A part of her wanted to wished harm on Kat, and a part of her wanted to hate Kat for doing her so wrong but she couldn’t go through with any of that because a significant amount of her loved Kat unconditionally. Anger swelled within her, competing with hurt for space. What the fuck was wrong with her? Why was it so damn hard to let her go? Peyton put her thoughts to rest as the heavy liquid settled at the bottom of her stomach. Exiting the café, she stuffed her hands into her sweatshirt pockets and searched for an open diner. It was noon and streets still appeared to be asleep. Most of the stores in view had gone for the holidays so Peyton decided to walk a little further. Approaching a dead end, Peyton decided to turn back when her phone buzzed in her jean pocket.

  “Hello?”

  “I go in your bedroom to bring you breakfast and you’re gone!”

  “Yeah, I went out.”

  “Where?”

  “The Tea House.”

  “Have you eaten?”

  “No, I was just looking for a place.”

  “Okay, I’m on my way, don’t move.”

  Andrea snuck out of the quiet house and found her sister sitting on a bench in front of a closed grocery store. She was pulling her beanie out of her back pocket while the snow began to pick up. Andrea parked her car on the curb and walked over to her sister, shivering in the process. She stood in front of Peyton with hands shoved in her coat pockets.

  “Why the hell are you out here?”

  Peyton rolled her eyes, avoiding eye contact with her sister.

  “Can’t I have tea?”

  “Yes, there’s plenty of it at home. You know that.”

  “Maybe I just wanted to get out.”

  “Peyt it’s fifteen degrees. No one wants to get out. Hence everything’s closed.”

  “Not the mall, which is where I was going to eat before you interrupted me.”

  “If that’s your way of shutting me out and telling me to go home it’s not gonna work.”

  Andrea walked back to her car and opened her door on the passenger side. Peyton gritted her teeth and clenched her jaw as she got into her sister’s car. Warmth immediately blared in her face and she rested her forehead on the window and closed her eyes avoiding any possible conversation with her sister.

  “Why’d you go out?”

  “Pear! Please. It’s Christmas.”

  “And I’m supposed to what? Wait until tomorrow to talk to you?”

  “No, you’re supposed to respect the fact that I don’t want to talk to you by not pressuring me with questions I don’t feel like answering.”

  “Fine...Fine.”

  Andrea gripped the sides of her steering wheel and focused on the road, trying to ignore the terrible vibe she was getting from her sister. Andrea didn’t know what the hell happened with Peyton but she knew that college had changed her and not for the better. Peyton was always very open with her sister; they talked about everything. Now that she was keeping something from her, it bothered Andrea. She noticed that Peyton hadn’t been herself for a very long time and Andrea was trying every outlet to figure out what was the issue. Tegan always replied that nothing was wrong; that it was just Peyton being Peyton and Kat hadn’t even returned a single phone call. Peyton refused to talk to her,
so Andrea continued to guess until she could ooze the problem out of her baby sister. Maybe she was having boyfriend trouble and was too shy to talk about it with her. Either way, Peyton shouldn’t keep things bottled up inside of her.

  ANDREA pulled into the parking lot of the mall and walked around her car to open the passenger side door. Peyton reluctantly reached for her sister’s hand as they walked inside the mall together. The affluent stores had lines wrapped around the buildings as the customers impatiently waited. Peyton and Andrea walked past them and into the food court. Andrea ordered food for herself and her sister while Peyton grabbed a seat at an empty table in the middle of the mall. Andrea walked over to the table with two trays and sat in front of her sister as she watched her eat. She parted her lips, as she opened her mouth to speak, wanting to say something but filled her mouth with a grilled pastrami Rueben instead. She knew she needed to give Peyton time to cool off from whatever the hell was making her heated. Andrea didn’t want to invoke an argument by starting a conversation Peyton wasn’t ready for. Wiping the sauce that rested on her bottom lip, Peyton realized her sister was glancing at her, more like gawking, but pretended not to notice and continued scrolling through her phone. After the two sisters finished eating, they got up, threw away their trash and walked throughout the mall. Andrea led Peyton into Victoria Secret and was immediately greeted by one of the exuberant saleswomen.

  “Can I help you ladies with anything?”

  “Yes, I have an appointment.”

  Peyton folded her arms across her chest and rolled her eyes. She was pretty sure Andrea was the only one who made appointments made for these kinds of stores. There was no need for an appointment to figure out which floral design you wanted printed on your ass. Peyton was more of a briefs and sports bra kind of girl. All of that flowery shit was really unnecessary.

  “Name?”

  “Peyton Kennedy”

  Peyton’s eyebrow quickly jerked upward and she stared at her sister.

  “Pardon?”

  Andrea turned around to look at her sister and whispered, “Peyt, I think it’s about time you get fitted for a bra.”

  Peyton’s lips curled faintly in response. Her sister was such an ass. Chuckling to herself, Peyton followed the saleswoman in the back into the fitting room.

  “I just need for you to remove your shirt and bra, then we can measure.”

  “Um,”

  “Don’t worry. We’re all girls here.”

  We’re not all straight, though.

  Peyton bashfully pulled her sweatshirt and bra over her head and avoided contact with the saleswoman as she folded her arms across her chest this time to cover herself.

  “So what is your current bra size?

  “Small, I guess.”

  “O-kay…I’ll get my measuring tape.”

  Peyton looked over her shoulder and saw that her tan lines were starting to fade. She popped back and forth on her heels impatiently waiting to have something clothe her chest. There was a knock on the door and Peyton let the saleslady come back in.

  “Arms up.”

  Peyton stuck her tongue in her cheek thinking of ways to get Andrea back as she held her arms high. The measuring tape was cold and Peyton had to do everything in her power not to flinch when a thumb pressed underneath her breast. Finally being able to put back on her clothes, Peyton was directed back to the front of the store where Andrea stood waiting.

  “So, what's the size?”

  “Thirty-six B.”

  Andrea snickered at the saleswoman’s response. Peyton’s cheeks immediately flushed as she placed her arms back over her chest.

  “What? Is that bad?”

  “No. I mean, it was no secret you were flat chested.”

  “Pear, your boobs are the same size as mine!”

  Andrea continued to laugh as she thanked the saleswoman and walked out of the store. Peyton huffed and followed her.

  “Rhian is gonna love to hear this.”

  ALTHOUGH the car ride home was silent, the heavy tension had stopped hanging in the air. The only thing left was the warmth that blew out of the vents in the car. Andrea smiled to herself, satisfied that she was back on Peyton’s good side. She had been walking on eggshells whenever she talked to her sister. Andrea looked to her right and watched her sister sleep. She knew her Peyton was a little on the dramatic side, but would wait until she was ready to talk. Pulling into the elongated driveway, Andrea shook her sister’s shoulder wildly. Peyton groaned and adjusted her position in the seat.

  “Wake up! We’re home.”

  Peyton rolled her eyes as she made herself leave the warm comforts of the car and enter the cold again. She shoved her hands in her pocket as she watched Andrea fiddle with her keys at the doorstep.

  "It’s freezing cold, Pear. Open the door already.”

  “My hands are numb! Give me a second.”

  Andrea finally opened the door and slid her scarf off of her neck, hanging it up in the coat closet. Peyton took off her shoes and plopped down on the couch, flipping on the television, searching for a saved handball game. Andrea walked in the kitchen and turned on the stove.

  “You want some hot chocolate and cookies?”

  “Yes!”

  Peyton smiled to herself as she settled for a team to watch. Rubbing her socks together to create warmth, she watched as Andrea put round dough on the pan. Peyton looked at the kitchen and noticed that the kitchen hadn’t been drenched in Christmas décor. She turned around and saw that there was no tree sitting in the corner, like it always had been every Christmas along with no presents resting underneath them. There were no stockings hanging up on the mantle, and the statue of Jesus Christ himself was gone. Peyton turned back around and continued watching television with a puzzled expression resting on her face. She pressed pause on the TV and went to the Christmas closet in search of the Jesus Christ statue that her grandmother gave to her when she was eight. When she found it sitting on the shelf, she grabbed it and walked in the kitchen, following the heavenly aroma of melted chocolate.

  “Pear?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Why didn’t we put up any Christmas decorations? Are we slacking?”

  Andrea pulled the cookies out of the oven and set them on the counter. Peyton tried to grab one but before she could, her hand was immediately smacked.

  “No, mom just thought we didn't need to take so much time decorating our house for Christmas since we won’t be spending it here.”

  “So, we’re spending it with grandma again?”

  “Gosh, no. We’re spending it in Helsinki; it’s a little town in---“

  “Finland…I know.”

  Peyton grabbed a cookie from the platter and shoved it in her mouth. The burn on her tongue was equivalent to the pain she felt in her chest. Peyton had learned to accept that fact that Kat was nothing but a missing puzzle piece of her that she would never retrieve again. It hurt, but she was trying to make peace with it. Every time Peyton tried to forget about Kat, something would draw her right back where she started. It was easy forgetting when Kat was in an entire other country but now---

  “Who picked to vacation in Finland?”

  Peyton huffed.

  “Mom and dad. They just thought it would be beautiful there.”

  “It’s beautiful everywhere in the world during Christmas.”

  “Well you know Dad likes to go all out because his birthday is right after Christmas.”

  “Still, we can pick another place to vacation. Somewhere warmer.”

  “It’s not like we’re going to be spending our entire time outside.”

  “But still, I-I get no say in this!”

  “Would you relax? What the hell has Finland ever done to you?”

  A lot.

  NINETEEN

  THE soft rumble of cars driving to their early destinations were heard outside of the window creating dancing shadows on the ceiling as they drove by. The room was dark, with only the silhouettes of the nightst
and and closet door visible to the naked eye. Hollowness was trapped within the four walls making the silence a cacophonous tone. The room remained still and Kat, too afraid to blink and disrupt the stillness, held her gaze on the ceiling. It was the strike of 4 AM and the flipping of the digits on the clock when Kat finally allowed herself to blink. Her eyes watered and fell to the sides of her face, dripping in her ears. She commanded herself in a soft whisper to breathe, her voice trembling with each command. Her heart fluttered every time her chest heaved. Something heavy, weighing it down that she couldn’t put a name to. She parted her lips to cry but a dry gasp came out instead. Kat rolled over on her side and hiccupped against her pillow. Her body wouldn’t allow her to cry. She was emotionally exhausted. The constant battle within her of anger and hurt competing for space had drained her of everything. Kat rolled over on her stomach and bit into her pillow as she clenched her fists. A scream was accidentally released into the pillow and Kat loosened her fists, and her eyes sprung open, shocked at the noise that came from inside of her. A cry for help. Kat wished desperately to the higher gods for sleep and to only be riddled by her dreams rather than life itself but sleep wouldn’t find her and she could hear the pace of the cars changing as daylight approached. Kat tucked her head underneath her pillow and tried to block out the chink of sunlight that escaped out of her curtains. She closed her eyes and her thoughts began to fade and blackness entered her head as the weight of her problems alleviated away.

  PEYTON scrunched her face before fluttering her eyes open. It took some deep rubbing of the eyelids and the familiar voices around her for Peyton to figure out her exact whereabouts. She lifted her head off of Andrea’s shoulder and yawned long before she licked her lips and stared out the window, her memory still a fog. The Kennedy family was in Helsinki, in a taxicab on their way to the hotel. Peyton pressed her forehead against the frosted window and stared at the view. There were Christmas lights hanging on every building and thick green garland draped across every street. There were enough lights wrapped around every tree and light post to light up the entire city, which the dark sky was unable to do. It was around and six o’clock in the morning and the sky was still of navy hue. Snow stuck permanently to the ground and left a leading trail all the way to the hotel. Peyton sluggishly dragged her suitcase up to her suite and crawled into bed. She lay on her back and stared at the weird painting that was framed to the right of her. After lugging her suitcases to the elevator and down the hall to the door, she had woken up and there was no going back to sleep. Peyton grunted and fetched for her phone in her left back pocket. She quickly sent out a text to Tegan telling her she just arrived and to have fun in Alberta, no needing to reply. After that, Peyton let her phone fall out of her hand onto bed and shut her eyes quickly when she heard the door click open. Rhian rolled her suitcase to the empty, made bed and called Peyton’s name.