An End To The Distance Page 14

  KAT sat in the cafe and noticed time had passed when the pace of the store had slowed. It was 2:00 and there were more empty tables than full and the smell of fresh coffee had long gone and was replaced with stale bread. Kat thought she had done enough thinking for one day and should return to the real world so she did her normal duty of leaving a tip for Isak and grabbed one last hot coffee to-go before waving goodbye and exiting back into the cold. She blew into the tip of her cup and decided to walk back home instead of taking the metro, giving herself time to continue her thoughts where she last left off. The snowflakes began to fall heavily and Kat tightened her pea coat. She sipped on the piping hot coffee hoping it would warm her entire soul but the pestering snow kept falling. Kat heard her heart beat in her ears and her body felt hollow. Sweat burst out of the pores of her skin and she gripped onto the remains of her coffee cup as her hands began to tremble. She looked down the snowy grounds to see if she could cross the street but there it was a four lane cross and the taxis were speeding. Kat noticed the dryness in her throat and began to take a sip of her coffee but realized her trembling hand would only cause it to spill.

  “Kat?”

  Kat snapped out of her anxiety attack as the three Kennedy sisters approached her. Rhian ran and gave her a hug. Kat stiffened as arms were wrapped around her.

  “Now what is the likelihood of you and I being in Finland at the same time!”

  Andrea laughed.

  Kat shrugged, her brain too disoriented to formulate words. Peyton was walking when she thought she saw Kat but she always thought she saw Kat since her flight had landed. And the time she actually did see Kat, she didn’t think it was her so her heart went into double overdrive when she locked eyes with the blue eyed beauty. Kat looked more like a goddess today than Peyton had ever seen her and Peyton was trying everything in her power not to lose consciousness on the very streets of Helsinki but the sight of Kat took her breath away.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I um,”

  Kat’s voice was unfamiliar to her ears. She could hear the quiver in her voice and just hoped she wouldn’t say something she regretted.

  “I play handball here.”

  She guessed that was an okay answer.

  “So that’s why you haven’t been answering my phone calls?”

  Andrea interjected. Kat nervously laughed and kicked a piece of ice with her boot.

  “So, what the hell are you doing playing handball here?”

  “I play for HIFK here.”

  “Yeah, I’ve heard of them. So you’re a big shot now?”

  “Yeah I guess.”

  Kat looked at Peyton who had her head down and playing with the loose string of thread on her coat.

  “Do you have an upcoming home game? Maybe we’ll be in town long enough to see one.”

  Kat bit the dry skin off of her lip roughly and frowned. She couldn’t think straight. Peyton was standing in front of her yet she appeared to be far away from the conversation. They hadn’t said one word to each other and it was nerve wracking.

  “I-actually have a game Saturday if you guys are gonna be here that long. I can get extra tickets.”

  “Seriously that would be great.”

  “Cool. So, um, let me get your number.”

  “Peyt, give her your number.”

  Andrea slapped Peyton on the arm and Peyton looked up for the first time and quickly looked to the left when she locked eyes with Kat. She stuffed her hands in her pocket to hide them trembling and looked for a focus point so she wouldn’t have to lock eyes with Kat’s again, finding herself staring at her shoes instead.

  “Yeah, um sure.”

  Peyton batted off her seven digits quickly and tapped her fingers in her coat pocket impatiently hoping the conversation would be over so she could breathe again.

  “I’ll text you-guys with details. Nice seeing you.”

  “You too.”

  Kat brushed past the Kennedy family just as abrupt as she ended the conversation and blew out a shaky breath as she prayed she would make it to her hotel room before bursting into tears.

  PEYTON had a pained expression on her face as her sisters continued to walk back home. Andrea rambled on about how nice it was to see Kat again but Rhian’s turned a deaf ear to the conversation. Her main focus was on her youngest sister. She had watched Peyton from the corner off her eyes with an eyebrow shot upward when speaking to Kat. She was a statue the entire time she was there. Her face, even as cold as it was, was completely flushed and Kat’s demeanor was even worse; the closed-ended sentences, and hesitation. It was there, on the streets of Helsinki, as she walked behind her sisters when she finally realized what had been going on with Peyton.

  “Shit.”

  TWENTY ONE

  TEGAN wiped her nose and stuffed her hand in her pocket as she used her other to hold the nozzle, filling gas into Jasmine’s Range Rover. It was two o’clock in the morning and Tegan was getting weary. Jasmine promised they had just a few miles to go an hour ago. The pitch-black roads were practically empty, sparse with an eighteen-wheeler here and there. Tegan looked through the window of the lit convenient store and saw Jasmine handing her cash to the registrar. Tegan smiled dumbly, still on the high that she was spending the holidays with Jasmine. I mean, this is what people who enjoyed each other’s company did, right? Vacation together in foreign countries? Or maybe Jasmine was planning to propose and knew the only way was to do it out of America. Either way, Tegan was excited. Jasmine turned and pointed in Tegan’s direction through the window to show which pump she was paying for. Tegan lifted her hand out of her pocket and threw Jasmine an excited wave. Jasmine rutted her eyebrows and waved back slowly. Tegan then looked above the gas pump and realized Jasmine wasn’t looking directly at her. With a pang of embarrassment, Tegan stuffed her hand back into her sweatpants pocket and watched the numbers began to flip as the gasoline poured into the tank. It was unsettling for Tegan not to know what exactly she was getting into. Jasmine, always the enigmatical creature, refused to tell Tegan anything after being questioned down the entire plane ride.

  Nine Hours Earlier

  Tegan yawned for the ninth time this the morning, smoothing the loose strays of chestnut hair on the top of her head with the palm of her hand. She tried to blink away the sleep out of her eyes but her yawning streak continued. Her third cup of coffee rested in the grip of her left hand and she took another sip, trying to savor the liquid as long as she could. Airport Starbucks’ were always more expensive. Tegan had gone to bed at a reasonable time last night but sleep never seemed to find her. She stayed up all night asking herself why would Jasmine invite her out of all people, trying to come up with plausible reasons, then dismissing them before her heart could eavesdrop in on the thoughts. When sleep finally found her, night had already left her and been replaced with a blue sky. It was morning. Tegan was never one to compete with the sun. She liked for the sun to get comfortable, settle in before she woke up. It was the ass crack of dawn and Tegan was having trouble keeping her feet planted on the floor. She decided to stand on the tips of her toes to flex her muscles and begin her search for Jasmine. Her lips twitched and her heart sped at the thought of her and Jasmine spending time together, not as professor and student, but as Jasmine and Tegan and whatever the fuck they were. Tegan’s look wasn’t as thorough as it should’ve been due to the fear of locking eyes with the blue-eyed beauty. Underneath it all, the emotion that settled into Tegan’s stomach was anxiety. Tegan had never been around Jasmine long enough to express herself. It was always a constant battle between the two; Tegan trying to break through Jasmine’s walls as Jasmine built them thicker. Now that it was just Jasmine and she, no war zone, no school, and no distractions, the thought of the two alone seemed like a daunting task. Suddenly, Tegan wanted to run out of the airport and cancel. Tegan didn’t think she would be able to handle it. What if Jasmine saw her as just another student? What if Tegan bothered her? Or said the wrong thing? Fuc
k, what if just her presence alone aggravated her? Tegan huffed. She hated the way she could never break through Jasmine to know what she was thinking, or how she felt. It was so frustrating. Maybe this whole spending the holidays together would do more harm than good for Tegan. The anxiety was back and felt like acid in the pit of Tegan’s stomach. It didn’t help that her entire family was standing right beside her either.

  “She’s late.”

  Karen Flint huffed. She stared at the watch on her wrist one more time before glancing up around the airport in search of this Dennings lady. She felt the grip of her husband’s hand on her shoulder and tried to listen to his soothing words.

  “Give her time,I’m sure she’s stuck in traffic.”

  “Or she’s still at home trying to figure out what lingerie to pack.”

  “Probably. Or maybe she’s buying some toys for you guys to play with.”

  Tegan tried to ignore the things her brother and sister whispered into her ear and just continue to look for Jasmine but their speculations about Jasmine’s tardiness were getting inappropriate by the second.

  “I’m paying hourly for my parking space. If she doesn’t show up in the next five minutes, I’m leaving.”

  Tegan pushed her siblings away from her ears and turned to face her mother.

  “You know, that’s what I wanted in the first place. I don’t even know why you guys came.”

  “Honey, we can’t let you travel to another country with a person who could possibly be a pedophile.”

  “Jasmine’s not a pedophile! I’m nineteen.”

  “So in other words, you’re saying that she’s sexually attracted to you?”

  “I really need for you to shut up!”

  A throat was cleared and Tegan spun around with flustered cheeks. Jasmine stood before the Flint family, popping up onto her toes and then rocking back onto her heels as she flashed a nervy grin at each one of Tegan’s family members.

  “Hi, Karen Flint. I believe we met at orientation when Tegan first had you.”

  “Yes, Jasmine, nice to meet you.”

  Jasmine switched her large cup of tea from her right hand to her left and extended out her arm to shake Karen’s hand. She gave Tegan’s siblings each a warm smile and took note at their considerably similar visage.

  “Those are lovely Christmas sweaters, did you make them yourself?”

  Karen looked down at the perfectly knit red sweater with three snowmen on them and smiled, the tense muscles in her jaw finally relaxing.

  “I did. It’s an old Flint tradition.”

  “It’s very nice.”

  Tegan tapped her feet, hoping the conversation would soon be brought to an end.

  “Well, I’ll call when we land.”

  Tegan began to walk away before her father called her back.

  “You have everything?”

  “Yes.”

  “Cell phone?”

  “Yes.”

  “Hand gun?”

  He narrowed his eyes.

  “Seriously, dad? Goodbye.”

  Tegan’s father smirked before planting a soft kiss on her cheek.

  “Only because I love you. Have fun. And call us.”

  “I’m not.”

  Tegan walked next to Jasmine as they approached their gate. Silence was building but it had not yet become awkward. Tegan took another swig of her coffee while Jasmine scrolled through her phone. Tegan hoped there wouldn’t be a dispute between who got the window seat. Tegan loved looking out of the window. Sure enough, Jasmine noticed and gave Tegan the seat she wanted.

  THE plane took off and the passengers got comfortable in their seats.

  “Your family seems really nice. Your mother seems like a nice woman too.”

  Tegan put her surfing magazine down and scoffed.

  “Please, she was only nice because you complemented her on her sweaters which by the way, big mistake. She’s probably knitting you one right now.”

  “I thought they were nice.”

  Jasmine laughed.

  “Seriously, Jasmine? I’m itching my ass off over here.”

  “Yours is the cutest. It fits you perfectly. The little bear trying to hang up the star on the Christmas tree—because you’re short.”

  Tegan wrinkled her face in disgust. The audacity Jasmine had calling her short.

  "I’m not short.”

  “Then what are you?”

  “I’m not short, Jasmine.”

  “Fine, you’re not short.”

  “Everyone isn’t blessed with goddess-like features and intimidating heights.”

  Jasmine chose to ignore the fact that Tegan had just called her a goddess for now and grinned while opening her book app on her tablet.

  “Whatever. Anyways, you never told me if you were Canadian.”

  Jasmine raised her eyebrow but continued to read.

  “Didn’t think I had to.” “

  "So why are we going to Canada? If you wanted snow we could've found a place in America."

  “It's not about the snow,”

  Jasmine looked up from her iPad and turned her head towards Tegan. She noticed that Tegan’s hair hadn’t been brushed and her eyes drooped a little and wondered if she had gotten enough sleep.

  “Canada is just a beautiful country to me. I came here while I was in college and I think you will enjoy it just as much as I did.”

  “Thanks for inviting me.”

  Tegan sheepishly muttered.

  “You’re welcome.”

  “What’s in Alberta though?”

  “A lot of fun things.”

  “Is it cold?”

  “It’s not California but I think you’ll be okay.”

  “I brought everything just in case. Ski coat, mittens, scarves—a lighter.”

  “We’re not staying outside.”

  “No camping?”

  “No! It’s December! We can camp in front of the fire place inside.”

  “Not the same.”

  “Too bad.”

  “So how are we gonna do things and travel the city? Do you have more Porsches sitting around collecting dust?”

  “I only have one. And it’s a pretty small town. But I do have my Rover up there.”

  “You know, Ferdinand Porsche actually made his cars for the average people, not for the rich and snobby people of today.”

  “I did not know that but thank you for the history lesson.”

  “Also he---“

  “Tegan?”

  “Hmm?”

  Jasmine pushed Tegan’s head into the window and grinned.

  “Go to sleep.”

  TWENTY TWO

  IT was her custom of a Sunday to sit by the fire in the morning and reflect on her thoughts until sleep found her again but her sleep remained strayed. She had her blanket wrapped around her firm shoulders as she sat with her legs crossed and stared into the orange flames. It was nine o’clock in the morning and Jasmine patiently waited for Tegan to awaken. She had walked past her door a couple of times, feigning a sneeze or accidentally running into her door but Tegan wouldn’t budge. She stayed wrapped up into the covers, snoring softly. Jasmine had rested her shoulder on the hinge of the door, watching her with an involuntary curve of the lips until she began to feel her admiration was turning into an obsession. She went out to sit in front of the fire instead. In this moment where there was nothing but the sound of crackling wood and a faint tap of the snow hitting the windows, Jasmine’s eyes stared off into the distance and she couldn’t help but let her dark thoughts consume her. Jasmine did sorrow, Jasmine did pain, Jasmine did heartbreak. Being happy, having that inner peace hum within her chest whenever she spent time with Tegan—it just wasn’t her. Jasmine wasn’t made to feel happy so she wouldn’t know how it worked. Pain was all she knew.

  It felt wrong to feel anything else. She told herself that Tegan bringing her coffee every morning was just her doing a good deed, her offering to be one of her aids was only to get in her good graces. Ja
smine ignored all signs that pointed to Tegan having attraction towards her but she couldn’t ignore the fact that her entire body ignited the moment Tegan walked in the room, or how Tegan bringing her coffee was the brightest part of her day and how she loved that freckled smile of hers that was so damn contagious. She had never felt such profound attraction towards anyone as she did towards Tegan. What terrified her wasn’t the fact that she had invited Tegan on this trip but the fact that she didn’t care. Her walls were slowly crumbling, her heart melting and the dichotomy between fearing the outcome and excited by what came with it was all too much.

  “Is this what jetlag feels like?”

  Jasmine saw Tegan’s faint reflection through the fireplace and smiled as she turned to find Tegan yawning. The impression of her pillow was still printed on the side of her cheek. She was wearing grey sweatpants that hung loosely off of her hips and most of her hair had fallen out of her bun. She looked so discombobulated and puerile Jasmine almost wanted to laugh. Jasmine stood up and her eyes met with Tegan’s as she stepped closer to her, closing off any personal space between the two.

  “No. Canada is only an hour behind us. This is what battling off facts about the establishment of this place all night feels like.”

  Jasmine removed the strand of hair that stuck to Tegan’s forehead as Tegan’s lips curved and her lashes flickered down.

  “How’d you sleep?”

  “Good. Great actually. Is it still snowing?”

  “Barely.”

  “So does that mean we can have a snow fight?”